Roseanne Barr

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month I can be myself.

— Roseanne Barr

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

— Roseanne Barr

My husband walks in the door one night, he says to me, “Roseanne, don’t you think it’s time we sat down and had a serious talk about our sex life?” I say to him, “You want me to turn off Wheel of Fortune for that?”

— Roseanne Barr

I figure when my husband comes home from work, if the kids are still alive, then I’ve done my job.

— Roseanne Barr

My breasts have fed three children, nurtured and sustained their bodies and built them up in twelve ways. If they wanna lay down after that, by god they deserve the rest.

— Roseanne Barr

I’m not going to vacuum ’til Sears makes one you can ride on.

— Roseanne Barr

“Housewives” is a term I employ that means anybody who has ever had to clean up somebody else’s shit and not been paid for it ….

— Roseanne Barr

… I used to think that communing with nature was a healing, positive thing. Now, I think I’d like to commune with other things—like room service and temperature control.

— Roseanne Barr